A very royal château birthday

Issue 12: Writing about a week away in the French countryside from upstate NY

I turn thirty-five today. I’ve scheduled this newsletter to send on the morning of my actual birthday, because I’m currently upstate at a writing retreat with my sister. By the time we return to Brooklyn on Tuesday, we will both have written 20k words in three days. There’s limited connectivity and (quite) slow internet at the inn, but I’m also intentionally pushing myself to disconnect further. Offline hours as a default—at a minimum, for the first two hours after waking up in the morning and two hours before going to bed in the evenings while I’m here.

In true katie mag fashion, I began writing this issue three weeks ago, right after I got back from Europe and the start of my five-week-long birthday celebrations.

Finishing this issue about Burgundy, France from where I’m writing right now, secluded in West Kill, NY, feels so far away yet strangely similar. Both the château and the inn are places of quiet spaciousness and creative expansiveness. During the welcome remarks for this retreat, we talked about the importance of “writing long” and how physical locations can be a helpful forcing function to get yourself unstuck, or on the page, help get your characters to different emotional places.

And that’s kind of how it worked out. Going from pre-birthday celebratory highs at the château in France, to deep existential dread as I had to confront actually entering the mid-est of my mid-thirties back at home in Brooklyn, to contented acceptance of the passage of time on my birthday eve in the Catskills.

Write long. That’s one of my goals for my next year. Say “no thank you” to more things, especially things I want to do, because I know I really want to spend more time writing my manuscript, painting a series, to maintain creative outflow from what I consume. I remind myself to think longer term, not just about what will make me happy in this present moment, but what will make future me feel fulfilled. Life is long, and it demands periodic rebalancing, because I do think that a contented life requires an active participant. Thinking long, I’m reminded of the opportunity cost of how I spend my time. And that is once again, just so perennially perennial!

It seems like nobody wants to rent a château these days

I wanted to do something big for my thirty-fifth birthday, because it seemed like a perfect “big” occasion to celebrate, one that could really just be for the girls, and not tied to any societal markers of “progress” for women, like a bachelorette or a wedding or a baby shower. It was really important to me to honor my principles of centering meaningful experiences in friendships. No men allowed!

It also felt like a very “moment in time” for my friend group, which is standing on the precipice of the more friends getting into new relationships or deepening existing ones, starting to have babies and leave the city.

So, after asking what if… I rented a château in France for my birthday, putting the energy out there, and having a 1:1 bullying party with Yolanda, the groundwork for my insane idea was laid. I sent an email in November 2025 gauging early interest—to determine potential group size and if it was financially or logistically feasible to move forward:

Hi dearest friends,

I’m turning thirty five (!!!) next May. Some of you have heard me talk about my dream of spending it in a French château with girly pop slumber party vibes; all of you know how extra and tryhard I can be, generally. That said, you also all know the importance of ~da girls~ and how much I cherish moments to celebrate the independent girls outside of traditional societal markers. 

The formal invitation:

Come abscond to the French countryside with me next April 2026 (the start of Taurus season, and logistically more feasible given my other travel commitments). I recognize this is a big ask, so I truly mean this from the bottom of my heart: no worries if not. I completely understand that everyone has different budgets, PTO allowances, and varying levels of willingness to engage in jobless behavior.

The ask: review the details below, which include two date options for Château Montsymond, a castle with 10 bedrooms, 10 bathrooms, wellness area, and heated pool, all on a 17-acre estate. I’ve also included lodging prices and rough estimates for travel itinerary and logistics.

I’m looking to gauge the level of initial interest so I can decide if it makes sense to move forward with reserving this château, or look into alternatives. I recognize not everyone plans their lives six months in advance, that is okay!!

Thank you ALL for putting up with me and the way that I am!! Excited to celebrate my 35th with you all, either in France or in bucolic Brooklyn.

<3, kt

Reader, we got the votes.

From there, I shifted into planning mode.

Planning and execution

I love a structure, and I’m very good at planning and executing. It is (actually) how I make my living. I knew to make the trip a success, it required a non-trivial amount of logistics to coordinate international flights, multiple trains, and cars, working to best align arrival and departure times to balance ease and the needs of the larger group. I also recognized this was a huge ask—logistically, financially, and mentally for all my friends who committed to showing up for me like this. So I felt the least I could do was make sure a plan was in place.

Best practices

• A document that is the single source of truth for the latest and greatest, so everyone knows where to go to find the information they need. Emphasis on document, not a chaotic group chat.
• Tables tables tables. I love a table. Tables provide structure, and structure reduces confusion. I used tables to set up flight arrival/departure times, meal planning, and day-to-day itineraries.
• Group chats are helpful! They serve a purpose but they require thought and intention. Things to consider: how early in advance before the trip do you want to set it up? How well do all the trip attendees know each other? 

Designing the château experience

After nailing down the big rocks of how we were all getting to the French countryside, then came the fun part: designing the guest experience for the château. I wanted to honor the effort all my friends were putting in to show up for me, and do my part to make their week one they would cherish and enjoy.

I started by considering the lifecycle of the guest journey (the PM in me really jumped out, but sue me! I love a framework!) As a guest who has on a variety of different trips, retreats and travel experiences, I think it’s really meaningful when there are little moments to invite pause, reflection, or even just demarcate the different phases of a trip. So I sketched out some ideas along the guest journey from arrival to during to departures.

What I landed on

• Handwritten welcome notes on arrival for each guest, on pretty paper stock and sneakily left on each person’s pillow once we figured out the room assignments
• Meaning making activities during the week, I wanted some tactile, analog memories that went beyond just taking pictures on our phones. I set up a group scrapbook (shoutout Nicole, via Carolyn, for introducing me to this idea from their bachelorettes!) and craft station in the second floor parlor space. I brought pens, markers, colored pencils for doodling and sketches, photo printers so people could all print out photos as the trip was happening, and scissors and tape for junk journaling.
• For the departures and to combat post-trip blues, I wanted each guest to have something analog to remember their week by. I bought cute mini cards and addressed a thank you note to each guest, and printed everyone a photo of them from the trip. I also set up a postcard writing station, extending my tradition of writing myself a postcard and mailing it to myself whenever I travel. I bought a bunch of kitschy postcards from the tabac in the closest town for friends to write one to themselves or a loved one, and I mailed them for everyone before I left from Paris.

Château life

I wrote this in my diary during my stay, while luxuriating in bed after just waking up, as one of my practices to resist metaphor.

April 11, 2026 / Vescours, France

I woke up in a large, luxurious bed in a château in Burgundy this morning. It’s the second time in my life I’ve had this experience, and the first time was the morning before today.

I can hear the birds chirping outside, beyond my windows that run from the floor to the top of the high ceilings and have green floral patterned curtains framing the top in a gentle curve. The green of the curtain color matches the trim around the windows, a color palette that is carried throughout this very large bedroom that is mine for this week. The pale, almost sea foam green has tones of cool greys in it. It contrasts well with the gold trim in the gold ornamental accents of the scalloped ceiling, the gilded sconces on either side of a fireplace just behind my room’s sitting area.

I like how the lights of the château need a moment to fully turn on after you flick the switch.

There’s a grey sky outside today, though the rain has stopped for now. It’s supposed to be off and on all day. It kind of feels like a nice reason to be still and curled up in bed, having a slow start to my Sunday morning, writing and resisting metaphor. The mug of coffee Addy delivered to me in bed has lost its steam. The smell is no longer strong, it’s blended into the air. Time for another cup.

“I’ve made the château my entire personality,” Liz said to me multiple times in the weeks leading up to our trip. When we pulled up to the castle, the whole car just burst out cackling with glee, as we laid eyes on the castle towers, a spiral staircase, acres of verdant grounds, a pool, two storks whose giant nest has been on top of the castle for fifteen years, and a pony and a horse who would be a giant dick to the pony if you came to pet the pony first.

I continued to feel the warmth bubbling from all my friends connecting, in different permutations over the course of the week, each with their own unique vibe and energy. Is there anything better than laughing in a château with friends?

“The girlies know how to play, work, and live in the big house,” Yolanda wrote in her postcard (that she consented to let me read). Navigating the group dynamics of shared living space is not always easy, but this week reminded me of college dorm life (elevated), and how nice it was to have a default social starting point for my days. I say this as someone who lives alone by extreme preference, but I really enjoyed my routine of waking up, lazing around my quarters until I was ready to interact with people, and then descending into the kitchen to see what everyone else was up to. One morning I found my way into a little group walk around the grounds. Another day, I stumbled into a studio atelier drawing lesson. A different evening, I joined a full on poker night of Texas Hold ’Em in the game room. Shared living spaces with people who are not romantic partners necessitates moments for connection, but also a balance with independence for people to come and go as they liked, retire to their quarters as needed, and find their way to what get they needed from the château.

A woefully incomplete list of ways I enjoyed the view at Château de Montsymond

• “It was fun seeing château katie assert control over her kingdom, then lose control, and then realize she is loved either way,” Yolanda said on our final night at dinner
• Addy’s chore lists
• “So what are you bringing to the table?” Elizabeth asking the table in an endearing socratic method of teaching us poker. “Not much of anything. But that’s okay!”
• Liz anointing themselves Dish Daddy
• Golden hour evening stroll on our last night, with Sabrina leading a few minutes of breathwork under the trees by the pond
• Stargazing and contemplating the universe on pool chairs with Addy, Jess, Liz, and Yolanda, and getting to see Jupiter
• Being bullied out of the château on my fake birthday dinner celebration day and told “you need to leave” in a firm yet loving way by Kat
• Chef Agnès and her three course dinners served at 5pm so the corporate baddies could get on their calls
• Exploring the French film store of Tournus with Allison, Elizabeth, Sarah, and Sabrina
• Being bullied out of the chateau on Sunday (birthday dinner celebration day) and told “you need to leave” in a firm yet loving way by Kat
• Chasing after the elusive European water vole
• Jess under the stars, “The three things I love about katie because I’m better than everyone…”
• The beautiful brunch spread of Sunday morning crêpes and jams and nutella from Kat and Yolanda
• Addy’s morning coffees delivered to me in bed throughout the week
• Watching my childhood friend I grew up around the world with instantly connect with my NYC group of friends
• A surprise birthday zoom organized by Cissy and spoiled by AI, with more of my loved ones (all the extended château girlies)
• The delicious smoothness of all the affordable Burgundy wine
• Encoutering a massive spider in our first hour in the château and being told by the groundskeeper that “he lives here too”
• The absymal quality of the tennis racquets and balls which definitely was the reason why Liz and I lost against Yolanda and Kat
• Jess’s stinkbug removal expertise
• Savants!!

How rare and special is it to get nine of your dear friends to take time out of our busy, modern lives to abscond for a week to the French countryside with you? The week in rural Burgundy filled me with enough light to sustain me through the darkness of the next NYC winter.

Bisou bisou je suis un croissant,

ka-tee (French pronunciation)